“Love is violent. Sex is violent. Every interaction is violent it’s just a matter of scale. How much of something do we want to feel? Does it feel good when your lover takes your hand when you didn’t expect it, does it feel better when he grabs your nipples, twists them..and on and on?”—Serial Killer, Paul Bateson

That quote lead to a thought provoking conversation with Ife about extreme domination and submissive sex.

She said, “I think I understand one particular fetish of extreme dominance and submission where they’re playing on the thin lines of pain and pleasure. My new found definition of submission is simply vulnerability. Trust. Surrender. Giving up what all humans desire which is control to some extent. Sex is vulnerability. Someone wanting to have sex with you is to some degree just a form of acceptance.

Depending on how far you go with BDSM it’s literally like holding someone’s life in your hands for the Dom. And having your life in someone’s hands for the Sub. Really it’s the ultimate form of trust in a way. For both parties. Tipping the scale to test how far you’re willing to let someone harm you without killing you. Some Doms can get carried away inflicting pain and having so much control at the moment, so it’s a lot of trust involved for both people participating.

Getting close to death but not dying is a feeling people actually crave. Hence why that drug you told me about is popular. (*She is talking about DMT. It’s a drug that makes you feel like you are about to die, yet some people find it as an extremely pleasurable experience.*) It’s why we love roller coasters, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks. We’re so close to death and the only thing in between you and death is a thin rope attached to your back when you jump off or the bars in the shark tank. Basically, some BDSM practices are experimenting with that exact fear just in the form of sex. Watching YouTube, I heard a girl saying she loves being choked, and It’s the literal version of having someone’s life in your hands. I can see how it’s a fetish.”